Object Relations 😤🥵 Frustration Types *NEED* Their Object of Frustration (& Idealization)

😤“Frustration” in Object Relations

“Object relations” is how we interact with/respond to the world around us, and the lens which we processed our parental dynamics and wounds. It’s the over-fixation on the ideal - what could be and what isn’t. What’s desired and what’s missing. Frustration types (1, 4, 7) can become fixated on what’s wrong, what’s missing, the disappointment, the lament of what was and no longer is, what could be altered, beautified, made more interesting, personal, perfect, right, ideal. Being in a constant state of WITHOUT instead of WITH.

I think of it as the Goldilocks Syndrome Triad. There is always something not quite right. Something annoying. Off-kilter. Not me enough. Imperfect. Boring. Common. Shallow. Disgusting.

The pursuit of experiencing their type’s version of “satisfaction” is what they’re doing - NOT achieving that satisfaction itself. (“I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” is their anthem).

And once they do achieve “satisfaction,” it’s often short-lived, disappointing or quickly forgotten.

And the cycle repeats itself.

They may even unconsciously edge/prolong or self-sabotage achieving this satisfied post-0rgasmic state, if they feel close to getting what they want - knowing it won’t live up to the ideal, or not wanting the fantasy to end. (You can see this pattern play out in wings, too - ie: 9w1’s staying trapped in a state of languidly perfecting, 3w4’s idealizing then contemptuously discarding, 6w7’s getting their hopes up, etc).

This can show up as grandiose fantasies of their version of the ideal - whether that’s internal (their self-concept and what’s possible for them), in their art, in their partner/lover, children, friends, business, the entire world, their house, clothing and adornments, their body, the sex, the juice, the energy.

🧼 Type One & The Imperfect/Corrupt Object

1’s NEED imperfect/corrupt OBJECTS (people, situations/dynamics, things/environments) in order to EXIST (according to the personality type’s ego).

It gives them a higher, virtuous purpose. A thing to do. Something to judge or a metric to judge oneself, others, outcomes against. A problem to solve. A goal to attain. An aspiration to reach for.

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be an imperfect/corrupt object.

The cycle with the frustration “object” serves to reinforce the 1’s unconscious ego narrative that they are divinely ordained, “above” others in a spiritual/moral/ principled sense, more perfect, abstemious, correct, right, pure and proper.

Because the “object” is imperfect, the 1 is more perfect.

Because the “object” is incorrect, corrupt, messy and incompetent the 1 is ok, order has been restored. They can relax their azzh0le and put the Clorox wipes under the sink for twelve hours.

1’s unconsciously inflict their standards on others and their environment, but others falling short of their standards is what feeds the 1’s ego. They simultaneously need “objects” to fall short so they have a purpose, something to correct or improve and to reinforce their own self-concept.

🥀 Type Four & The Common/Shallow Object

4’s NEED common/shallow OBJECTS (people, situations/dynamics, things/environments) in order to EXIST (according to the personality type’s ego).

It gives them something to contemptuously, disinterestedly and tragically outshine as a rarified, significant piece of living-breathing art. It gives them something to push away from in disgust.

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be a plethora of common and shallow objects. Nearly EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, tbh.

The cycle with the frustration “object” serves to reinforce the 4’s unconscious ego narrative that they are singularly rare, significant, untouchably unique, tragically cursed (but in a creatively enlivening way), and more special than everyone else.

Because the “object” is common, trash, mundane, the 4 is more significant and totally separate from everyone and everything else in how they express themselves and exist.

Because the “object” is so basic, fake, shallow and derivitive the 4 is doing great honey, the self-narrative equilibrium has been restored. The crash-out is alchemized into lore.

4’s unconsciously inflict their self-image on others and their environment. Others comparatively falling short of the 4 is what feeds the 4’s ego. And if someone or a situation threatens this self-image, the 4 will find other ways to prove they are indeed common, derivitive and not worthy of their rarified attention. 4’s will distance themselves from the bruising of someone being similarly exceptional, of course, not admitting the real reason.

🪩 Type Seven & The Boring/Restrictive Object

7’s NEED boring/restrictive OBJECTS (people, situations/dynamics, things/environments) in order to EXIST (according to the personality type’s ego).

It gives them something to flee, seek freedom from, to shake off, abandon. It gives them an excuse to stay in a constant state of stimulation. If limitations and stagnation (aka presence) = death, then of course it must be dealt with accordingly.

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be boring/restrictive objects. No one and nothing is safe, as novel and new things often become ordinary after a passage of time. Kudos to the rare lemon that retains its squeeze.

The cycle with the frustration “object” serves to reinforce the 7’s unconscious ego narrative that they are more fun, entertaining, idealistic, expansive, visionary and effortlessly creative than everyone else.

Because the “object” is boring, tedious, unbearable, stifling, unstimulating the 7 is a dazzling glitterball of intrigue and wonder. How would the world turn without them?

Because the “object” is the trap, the box, the handcuffs - EW, NO - the 7 is absolved of responsibility, duty or obligation and therefore free, unlimited, unstoppable without consequence.

7’s unconsciously inflict their need for titillation and merrymaking on others and their environment, and others comparatively falling short to the 7 is what feeds the 7’s ego and offers them a “valid” excuse to move on or discard. If a 7 should meet their match, this could result in a time-space-collapse which the two 7’s would actually really enjoy, because who knows what would happen? #realityisfake #betheglitchinthematrix

🙏 Type One & The Perfect/Right/Holy Object

1’s also NEED perfect/right/holy OBJECTS (self-concepts, narratives, people, situations/dynamics, things/environments, etc) to idealize and strive for.

It gives them a higher, virtuous purpose - the goal post, the judgmental carrot. A reason to be. Then everything will be right.

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be an exalted object to become, enforce the standards of onto self / others / environment.

🫀 Type Four & The Unrequited/Rare Object

4’s also NEED unrequited/rare OBJECTS (self-concepts, narratives, people, situations/dynamics, things/environments, etc) to idealize and yearn for.

It gives them a romanticizable fixation and obsession - the fantasy, the meaningful meaningness, the bittersweet lament and tragedy.

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be an unrequited/rare object to become, pine for, melodramatically project onto others / the environment.

🍑💦 Type Seven & The Shiny/Juicy Object

7’s also NEED shiny, juicy, fragrant OBJECTS (self-concepts, narratives, people, situations/dynamics, things/environments, etc) to idealize, chase after, abandon others/situations for.

It gives them a glittering location on a map to run towards: “ah, once I get this then I will finally be full, happy, sated, satisfied, free.”

And because the personality needs it, there will never NOT be a more tasty/mouth-watering object to start, recklessly pursue with abandonment, certainty and energy.